Johnny Clams' First Annual Mafia Awards for Outstanding Shadiness

And now, ladies and gentlemen - ah, who am I kidding, just gentlemen - we get to the business end of things.

These are the big leagues, the head honchos, the creme de la creme on your mama's tiramisu. The Best Player awards.

Let's get these underway with that man again, Eds. No doubt the winner of Most Likely to Be an All Consuming Dark Lord in his high school yearbook, the guy's previously mentioned turnout as Voldemort gets him the Best In Character Performance award. Not just content with talking a good game to the town, this was a Dark Lord insistent upon keeping his own many-factioned subordinates in line under pain of death, and of course riding his newly won immortality for all it was worth. And to this day, it's said that Eds still refuses to learn what love is.

Are there any surprised faces as we reveal the winner of Best Performance? Of course not, Eds' Voldemort has all but swept the individual game awards. It took something just a little bit scary in him to dominate a game of 30, and just about everyone remembers it as the best of the best.

Cribbage once claimed his winning performance at the end of Star Wars Mafia was just like a headline-grabbing cameo, so it's only to be expected that he take Best Supporting Role for his turn out as Galen Marek.

Except that would be a total lie, as it was actually the closest award we had. Honourabe mentions also go to Athlai as Pippin, Baxter as Eomer and Cribb as The Force.

Now then. A fan of the authorities I am not. But there's no doubt that some of these guys have just got one better than you from time to time. Having never been tempted by a life of crime - as far as we know - master sleuth HeathDavisSpeed wins the Best Town Player prize.

Next, 3rd parties. They've got a history of swimming with the fishes around here. Especially when they're not just giving in and joining the masses. So it's only natural that the man who deceived and connived his way to a rare solo neutral win takes home the Best 3rd Party Player award - 99*.

Speaking of deceiving and conniving, that brings us nicely onto Best Mafia Player. No doubt for entertaining moderators as much as his efforts to bamboozle the town, the award was bound to go to that behemoth of bullshitting, Athlai. But it's not just the evil deeds that go rewarded, as the boys will remember his efforts as R2D2, Pippin and ther like as a man of justice. So we have him as master of gangland and guardian alike, our Best Overall Player.