The Mighty Morphin Flower Arrangers FC

Xabi Alonso: The Main Man
A frank interview with the midfield maestro.
By Brock Lee



He’s the best central midfielder in Europe, a crucial piece of the Spanish national team and one of the sexiest footballers in the world. The first signing for the Mighty Morphin Flower Arrangers FC, Xabi Alonso, is bound to be the first name on the team sheet and the man the team is built around. A crucial cog for the Mighty Morphin Flower Arrangers in the engine room, Xabi has the godly technique and the silky passes to make the difference. Blessed with the typical Spanish charm and uncanny good looks, men want to be him and women want to be with him.

A representative of the Florist Evening News caught up with the great man earlier today.

Good evening Xabi, thank you for taking the time to talk to us.
Gracias. ¡hola.

Your new club are advertising your image quite a bit. Do you maintain strict control over your image?
I try to be careful, I don’t like appearing everywhere.

You appear to be a restrained man. When do you lose control?
On the field, at times, but I don’t lose too much control. It’s not me. I try not to exaggerate because when I see a team mate do it, I don’t like it at all…

An employee of Florist Evening News knocks on the door and interrupts the conversation. They’re filming a segment with Mario Gotze in the next room and he asks us to lower our voices. Xabi looks at him strangely, since his silky voice is so smooth and at times imperceptible, and he doesn’t even raise his voice when he laughs. Despite that, he makes an effort to lower his voice until it’s most inaudible when we begin to talk about the fairer sex.

Xabi, what do you think of the owners of your club and their decision to recruit Scarlett Johansson as the official spokesperson for the club.

I've said in the past that Scarlett Johansson is sexiest woman apart from my wife so they must be doing something right.

What do you think of the new signings that the club has made?

It's obviously a step in the right direction. Gigi is the best goalkeeper in the world and has been for sometime and Mario Gotze is the name on everyone's boca these days. He's the most promising player in all of Europe at the moment.

***

We take a moment to thank Xabi for his time and bask in his gorgeous Spanish good looks for one last time. We may not be allowed to speak with him for a while as our next feature will feature his boss, Himannv, co-owner of the Mighty Morphin Flower Arrangers FC. The dashing young millionaire is known to be involved in yet another sex scandal involving an overweight hooker with a dubious reputation. Stay tuned folks.

 

That's true regarding the team name ftr. I saw it used somewhere else.

 

Manager: Vincent Del Bosque (£6 Million)

Squad:
Xabi Alonso (£26 Million)
Simon Kjaer (£4.5 Million)
Alan Dzagoev (£11 Million
Sebastien Kehl (£11 Million)
Mario Gotze (£42 Million)
Gianluigi Buffon (£22 Million)
Rafael (£8 Million)

Not bad so far imo.

 

James Rodriguez (£15 Million) to add to that.

Apparently not.

 

Formation: 4-2-3-1

----------------Mario Mandzukic

Gareth Bale-----------Isco-----------Mario Gotze

----------Xabi Alonso------Javi Martinez

Patrice Evra-------CB-------Simon Kjaer--------Rafael

---------------------Buffon

Bench: Sebastien Kehl, Alan Dzagoev, Miroslav Klose, Joel Matip, Wilfried Zaha

Manager: Vincent Del Bosque (£6 Million)

Squad:
Xabi Alonso (£26 Million)
Simon Kjaer (£4.5 Million)
Alan Dzagoev (£11 Million
Sebastien Kehl (£11 Million)
Mario Gotze (£42 Million)
Gianluigi Buffon (£22 Million)
Rafael (£8 Million)
Gareth Bale (£36 Million)
Javi Martinez (£30 Million)
Isco (£20 Million)
Miroslav Klose (£8 Million)
Mario Mandzukic (£13.5 Million)
Joel Matip - (£8 Million)
Patrice Evra - (£16.5 Million)
Wilfried Zaha - (£5 Million)

Total Spent: £267.5 Million

Remaining Budget: £62.5 Million

 

Holy shit, what a round for us there!! Midfield sorted though.

 

Yeah, depth is the main concern. Lets see how it goes.