Hall of Shame: The Bottom 20 of 2014

Far too often we praise the likes of Ablett, Roughead, Taylor and Pendlebury without remembering that for every Roughead there's an O'hAilpin, for every Selwood there's a Cale Morton and for every Franklin there's a Folau.

Well here's their time to be appreciated; for we recognise that on ability these players still rank in the top echelon of footy players in the country (well, perhaps not Aaron Joseph), but for some absurd reason, they've been paid 75K a year to occupy space.

This is a thread to appreciate the players that make us feel like this.

The Rules:
- Kids aren't really eligible unless they're just really, really shit
- Likewise players who haven't played 10/20 games or so aren't
- Gotta be listed in 2014
- Where someone was drafted isn't really super relevant (perhaps in Tambling's case, were he actually listed)
- This isn't a countdown of the worst players on ability. Things like softness, rapid decline, being overrated, overpaid and noticeably lethargic and unfit on the field are all relevant
- Sample is mainly 2013 with what's happened in 2014 being very relevant too.
- The countdown is pretty much done. I don't really care about how including *insert random player from club you support* isn't fair. It is, they're shit. I'm right. Eat a dick.

Before we begin however, I must express my regret at not being able to include the following players as eventually their clubs have seen sense and delisted them. I wish them them all the best in their respective future careers earning 75 dollars a game to captain a division 3 amateur league team. You've provided many laughs, failures and most of all, a clanger to disposal ratio higher than Tim Sumner's goal to behind ratio.

Dishonerable Mentions:

Cale Morton, James Sellar, Lukas Markovic, Jordan Russell, Aaron Joseph, Alwyn Davey, Bret Thornton, Setanta O'hAilpin, Justin Koschitzke, Richard Tambling and Patrick Veszpremi

 

#20: Rhys Palmer


Pictured: One of those rare times as a supporter where you're wishing the siren would sound

The AFP must have a taskforce dedicated to discovering the match fixing ring led by Rhys Palmer. There just cannot be any other excuse for his inability to hit even the most simple of targets. As an opposition coach you'd treat Palmer like a 19th man. If he's free on the wing - despite being on the opposition you still kick it to him, he'll only send it back. The only fathomable reason GWS would have had to recruit him is to have a first hand example of how not to kick. My most fond memory of Rhys Palmer is watching him give away (yet another) free kick on the wing, proceed to kick the ball back to the bloke who earnt the free and despite being 15 metres away he managed to collect a photographer sitting on the fence.

His claim to fame is winning the rising star in 2008 (a win I have no doubt was arranged by aforementioned match fixers to ensure Palmer actually remained contracted beyond his second season), an award won not off the back of quality disposal, but quantity disposal. People question what actually happened to Rhys; how could someone win the rising star and then proceed to fall apart so quickly? What they don't realise is that he was never actually good. That year the only other rookies to actually do anything were Simon Buckley, Cale Morton, Shaun Grigg, Sam Lonergan, Kyle Reimers, Gavin Urquhart, Josh Hill, Craig Bird and Alipate Carlile. The only good player in that crop was Cyril Rioli. The picks that preceeded Palmer at 7 were Cale Morton, Jarrad Grant and David Myers; the most esteemed of company.

Quite simply, Palmer is rubbish and always was. He's got quite the knack for accumulating disposals but that's completely redundant as he can't use it. It'd be like giving a bloke with down syndrome a 10 inch cock.

 

p.s. willing to take suggestions. think i've got most of them nailed but could have missed the odd one.

 

#19: Lewis Roberts-Thomson


Only Cribb could like a hairstyle like that

LRT is a player you can't help but like. With the haircut of a 14 year old girl, he plays like one too. That said, he tries his hardest every time he takes the field. And for a good part of the last decade he actually was okay. He managed to somehow get past the fact that he had less natural talent for the game of Aussie Rules than Spider Burton had at ground level.

But unfortunately, time catches up with players. And there's nothing worse than a player playing that season extra when he's just clearly past it (i.e. David Hille, a bloke very lucky to avoid a dishonourable mention). This season LRT is averaging a touch under 7 touches a game which is offensive in its own right, but even worse he's made 4 clangers a game on average. Over half of his disposals have ended up in the opposition's uncontested hands. For a bloke playing defence these clangers are even more costly. He's only made 7 spoils for the whole season too. So in short, he's made nearly double as many clangers as he has spoils, this from a key defender.

His record in 2013 wasn't fantastic, nor was it in 2012. LRT's nomination here isn't even as much on the back of his own mediocrity is it is an indictment of his decision to play on in 2014. Stick a fork in him, he's done.

 

#18: Michael Firrito


Doing what he does best - nothing.

I thought the Firrito hate was a bit unjustified for awhile. Until round 9 2013. When you're up by a goal and the opposition has the ball outside 50, there's a few things a defender with 200 games would know to do. A first gamer would probably circle around the most dangerous forward. A 100 gamer would probably look for a free man and man him up. A 200 gamer would zone the dangerous space around the contest guarding against everything but a contested grab.

What is the one thing you don't do though? When your opponent leaves the 50 with the sole intention of taking you with him to create space for a forward to crumb and goal, you DO NOT FOLLOW HIM.

Unfortunately 200 games of experience still wasn't enough for Michael and he fell for it hook, line and sinker. In the footage of Petrenko's goal you see him jogging next to Kerridge on the goal side of the contest being lured as far away as possible. He'd just left the forward 50. The worst part about it is that even though he followed his opponent, for some fucking absurd reason he still let him have 10 metres of space when the ball hit the ground which allowed Kerridge to effect a 50 metre kick inside 50 which assisted the goal. I love Spud's attempt to tackle Kerridge though. Failed mate.

So Michael, for this absurd act of stupidity and a lifetime of being a mediocre defender and terrible rebounder, you feature in our hall of shame.

For reference:

<iframe width="640" height="360" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/eiJ55Kq8F98?feature=player_detailpage" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

0.02 you see him running to the contest. How he let Kerridge get that space I don't know. How he even left the 50 I don't know. He belongs 10 metres outside that contest guarding the out the back special.

The loss is on you, Spud.

 

Yeah look he wouldn't have made the list if not for that

It sounds little but that one act was monumentally stupid.

 

It's not a power rankings of the worst

Other things contribute

The next bloke is probably in the too 100 players in the league and will cause outrage for example