Professional rugby is a fickle mistress. One day you're on top of the world, the next your knees are knackered and you're on the scrap heap. But never fear. As one career ends, another begins: use your limited celebrity status wisely with a spin-off show: Thorn In My Side - Utilising all of the versatility learned in his cross-code career Brad travels the world trying different sports. He has a week to become a proficient member of the 1st team in such diverse disciplines as team dressage and Kabaddi with hilarious results. Mccaw's Macaws! - Richie Mccaw takes an informative look at his colourful parrot namesakes with hilarious results. Yarde of the Yard - Flying Quins winger Marland Yarde is a maverick cop with a healthy disregard for authority. In this week's episode his investigation of a suspicious lock-up in Dagenham uncovers a macarbre secret with hilarious results. High Noon - It's 1858 and former occasional England centre Jamie Noon is sheriff of a small Arizona town. When bandits threaten the peace Jamie must use all of his celebrated tackling ability or the town is doomed with hilarious results.
Thorn In My Side - Former Union and League hard man decides to form a one-man tribute to the Eurythmics. Secret Diary of Andrew Hore - In a never noticed before play on words, Channel 5 decide to make a scene-for-scent rentboy remake of the Billie Piper prostitution series. Lee Mears' World of Survival - Former England hooker is dumped in the middle of fuck knows where with no survival skills and a heart condition. Dave bring you this uplifting programme where viewers get to see just how long a 100kg hooker can last on a survival mission. Oh, and he's being pursued by former England and Aston Villa centre-half Ugo Ehiogu for some reason.
J-Leo: Don't Be Fooled By The Rocks That I got - Jason Leonard goes back to his humble roots and takes a candid look at how fame has changed his lifestyle.
Toto Cueto - Former England winger undertakes a sex change and initiates a new way of life. This fly on the wall documentary looks at his attempts to establish an all drag tribute act to the singers of 1982 smash hit I Eat Cannibals.
Greenwood and Flood - Two eco-warriors take on an Alaskan oil company in a thinly-veiled copy of an already second-rate Steven Seagal movie.
Ronin O'Gara - haunted by the events of the 2009 Lions series masterless samurai Ronan O'Gara wanders feudal Japan seeking to atone through deeds which don't involve blindly leaping into other people and conceding kickable penalties.
Digby Ioane's lessons of Ghandi: hes stopped running through opposition defence lines and run straight into, the streets of LA!? This summer former wallabies winger Digby Ioane uses his ethnic appearance to infiltrate some of the most notorius Latino gangs in America to teach them the power of passive resistance and that forgiveness, not violence, is the true measure of strength. Matthew of Bourke: Australia's favourite fullback Matt Burke finds himself 800km west of Sydney in the small town of Bourke coaching the mighty Northern Bourke Badgers, a team that has won 6 straight wooden spoons and who's best player can only play when on day release. Our green and gold hero has dealt with plenty of guys with attitude before, but none of that has prepared him for central New South Wales worst women's netball team. Rated PG13. John Feels: wallabies hard man Eales takes a look at inequality in the workforce, spending a month as a nurse, preschool teacher, wife and home maker, uncovering secrets about society and himself along the way. Contains high impact sex scenes.
Mr. Wendell - After a rugby career where he spent most of his time following the money, former League utility Wendell Sailor spends a year living on the streets of Brisbane. Along the way, he'll provide his best tips for living the streets - which glue is best for sniffin', where the best bins are for rummagin' and where is the best location to primal scream into the ether.
Will Carling, Won't Carling? - dating gameshow where Carling attempts to bed members of the Royal families of Europe.
It's Ella-mentary - The Ella brothers travel through time to assist Sherlock Holmes in solving crime. Top Gear - each week Rico and Hosea Gear face off in a series of Gladiator-style challenges to determine who is the top Gear.
The Youngs Ones - Ben & Tom live in abject squalor, say "matey boy" a lot whilst Alexei Sayle rants nonsensically about Mrs Thatcher and Madness play a song for no apparent reason. It Ain't Half Hot, Mumm - Every week Dean Mumm finds himself somewhere quite warm. After tackling a Turkish sauna how will he cope with the surface of Venus? Roger Wilko - Z-list celebrities attempt to have sex with the former England fly half. Week one: Bob Carolgees and Spit the dog.
Flutey and the Beast - We dig deep into the unlikely romance between the former All-Black and Springbok rugby stars.
Fox and friends - rough times have befallen Grant. The only gig he can get is a reality show where a pharmaceutical company encourages him to catch lice before trialing home remedies and new drugs as cures. Grant is encouraged to keep a video diary which becomes increasingly bleak with each passing episode.
Geech & Long - Ian McGeechan & Andy Long play a pair of loveable stoners who've been told by the RFU they must find a job by tomorrow or will be sent to coach the next Lions' tour of New Zealand. It Shouldn't Happen to a Venter - Hilarious fish-out-of-water escapades as the short-tempered, stern-faced Afrikaner centre struggles to adapt to life in a bucolic pre-war Yorkshire veterinary practice.